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August06

beach baby

We’re loving our Michigan summer….back home in a week!

August05

God hates staying together for the kids

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don’t Love Each Other

July21

lists

You know I have a thing for lists. So, when my friend Kelly Sue asked for lists for her birthday I was happy to oblige. She turned 40 and was requesting lists of 40 things. Guess what?

40 things is a lot of fucking things.

I decided I could easily come up with 40 things that annoy me. I could also come up with 40 small pleasures, but who’d want to read that? It’d be way too Sound of Music.

Here’s my list:

40 things that are becoming less and less tolerable the closer I get to 40

1.) sing-songy voices (“Nice to meeeet yooooouuuuuuuu!”)
2.) platform flip-flops
3.) people who support the ban of gay marriage yet watch The Bachelor
4.) Jimmy Buffet
5.) people who say sweaters and furniture are “fun”
6.) baby talk
7.) holiday ties
8.) the word “slacks”
9.) mimes
10.) dogs that sniff my crotch
11.) people at the checkout counter that ask for my phone number
12.) mispronunciations on audio books e.g. “He grabbed a grand latte from Starbucks”
13.) temperatures over 85 degrees
14.) pans that are not non-stick
15.) baseball caps
16.) this bumper sticker: “3 nails + 1 cross = 4given”
17.) “supposably”
18.) Hummels
19.) poop in a swim diaper
20.) sweaty fat people in airports
21.) the Grateful Dead
22.) not allowing children to play tag at recess because it’s too dangerous
23.) the never-ending Manhattan v. Brooklyn debate
24.) restaurants that claim to take online reservations but then make you call to confirm that you made an online reservation
25.) people who are not my children calling me Mom
26.) Facebook status updates like “TGIF” or “wish I wasn’t at work!”
27.) Bunco clubs
28.) the “words” lactivist and intactivist
29.) childless urbanites that scoff at my love for the starbucks drive-thru
30.) alternate spellings of ordinary names e.g. Lindzee.
31.) foursquare updates on twitter. I don’t care that you’re at the gym. or airport. or hip new restaurant. at all.
32.) smokers
33.) obsessive lawn maintenance
34.) my mom using outdated euphemisms for sex e.g. bump uglies
35.) smug parents who claim they started reading chapter books to their child when he was 3, etc.
36.) harem pants
37.) the overuse of exclamation points e.g. I can’t wait to see you!!!!!!!!!!
38.) people who write “per say”
39.) getting caught in the rain when wearing flip-flops
40.) festivals of any kind