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December30

White Christmas, bitches!

I hate brown Christmases. In Kansas, we have a lot of them.

I am from Northern Michigan. Every Christmas is white. EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. So when I experienced my first brown Christmas, I felt pretty deflated. It would be like having Halloween in the summer – would that work for you? No. I’m not even letting you answer that one for yourself because if you said yes, then we would probably end up getting into a fight and I guess it is still the holiday season and fighting is frowned upon. Even though I know I could totally take you.

This year I kept telling Travis how much I wanted it to snow. His response was usually something like, “I willy want it to snowwww. Meh meh meh meh.” So eventually I gave up because I get no sympathy from him when it comes to this stuff and after all, he controls NOTHING.

Then, I got derailed being afraid the kids would start puking and put my white Christmas desires on the backburner. Sometimes it’s good to prioritize the worries. Or not have them at all – I guess some people have that option.

Anyway – it fucking snowed. It SNOWED. A LOT! And if freaked out all the Kansas Citians. And I loved every minute of it. I got my wish.

BOTH of them. No one puked.

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December22

Fritz’s Railroad Restaurant of awesomeness

The other night we took Jack and Zoe to Fritz’s Railroad restaurant in KCK. This is a 50′s/60′s train-themed diner where you order your food by phone from your table and the food is delivered by train.

I totally fell in love with it. It seemed genuinely and wholesomely novel, which I think is something sort of rare these days. Sure, things are novel but they’re usually so excessive and in-your-face that you kind of want to puke. Interesting and new, but TOO MUCH, wasteful, and doesn’t hold a fucking iota of appeal for grownups. I spent a good chunk of our time at Fritz’s mentally listing how many ways this place kicks T-Rex’s ASS in.

Even though I was feeding my kids shakes, fries and greasy burgers I still felt really GOOD about it because it felt authentic. That sounds so fucking Pollyanna, but I think I might mean it.

When we went to T-Rex for Jack’s birthday, I sat there amongst the squawking flying dinosaurs, the meteor showers, crazy straws, obnoxious waiters and felt like I was doing him wrong. It was just too….fucked up? About 1/10th of the shit in there would have blown any kid’s mind – why go so overboard? Well, I guess because this is America. Sigh.

Fritz’s is my new favorite. Go there – support it – make sure it lives a long life in this crazy world. If you’re not from KC, then too bad for you.

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December22

Sally Brown vs. Chelsea Hilton

Dear Santa Claus,

How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good this year so I have a long list of presents that I want.

Please note the size and color of each item and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?

Thanks,
Sally Brown

Dear Santa Claus,

How are you? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife?

I have been marginally good this year. No presents will be necessary. Just please oh please use your Santa Claus magic and keep my kids from puking on or around Christmas.

Thank you,
Chelsea

ALL I WANT IS WHAT I HAVE COMING TO ME! ALL I WANT IS MY FAIR SHARE!

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